Fat, So? Podcast Voicing the Pain and Joys of Navigating the World as a Fat Woman

Fat is anything but a body type. It is an insult, a ‘health concern’ for people who need to fit a person into a mould. Fat is the shame that shrinks a person. The trauma manifesting as self-hate. A seemingly inescapable identity. 

 

We Are Fat. So? 

Ameya Nagarajan and Pallavi Nath are reclaiming the word FAT, which often consumes every other identity. In doing so, the pair is addressing the hurt attached to it through their freeing and relatable podcast, Fat. So? 

 

 

Apart from co-founding Fat, So? podcast with Pallavi, Ameya works at a research consultancy. She also wrote 50 Dates In Delhi, a blog about her experience in Delhi’s dating scene. Pallavi is self-employed with 17 years of corporate experience. A chance meeting at a plus-size gathering transformed them from strangers to co-hosts of the podcast on fat liberation. 

 “We were six fat women sharing our experiences, and for the first time, there was no need to justify our body. We realised it’s important to start the conversation. It is extraordinarily liberating sometimes to just say these things out loud,” says Ameya. 

In Fat. So? Podcast, Ameya and Pallavi decided to do what the world conditioned them not to: take up space and talk about loving their bodies. 

They spare no topic in their podcast from finding power in rage, addressing the struggle to accept love, toxic relationships, and mental health. “When you hear someone else taking up space, saying no, creating boundaries, and calling people out, you learn to do that as well,” says Pallavi. 

 

Conform, conform, conform!

The podcast medium is burgeoning across the world and equally in India. More than entertainment, podcasts tap into the comfort of relatability and shared experiences. While only one in three top podcasts are hosted by women, those using the platform are normalising conversations about taboo topics like sex, periods, and body image that used to be discussed in whispers. From ‘I Weigh‘ by Jameela Jamil to Why Won’t You Date Me? by Nicole Byer, podcasts are changing the way we perceive our bodies, revolution in itself.

Pallavi points out society’s desperation to make people conform and its speedy dismissal of diversity in one episode. Ameya adds, “If we don’t like something or someone, we other them.”

People’s understanding of ‘normal’ is deeply flawed. Self-appointed custodians of perfection judge a person’s worth by waist size. “They say we love you, but you hold value if you fix the ‘problem.’ Well, you know, I can fix the problem by punching your face,” says Ameya of family and friends who mask body shaming as care.

 Fat, So? has over 24,000 listens. The podcast is top-rated amongst women aged 25-35 years. Still, Pallavi says her family and friends haven’t heard it at all. “They think I have gone mad and tell me that I am going to fall severely sick. They don’t like my posts on fat. It’s like there is a huge part of me that they chose not to see,” she adds. 

 

 

Unsupportive and judgment-filled environments described by the Delhi-based co-hosts are not unusual for fat people. Add television and film parodies of fat people, and one has a breeding ground for self-deprecation. The impact on mental health is profound. “You feel like you deserve the abuse, and it is emotional abuse beyond a point. You feel like you are not allowed to enjoy your life in any way,” says Pallavi. 

 

Fat discrimination by doctors

When Ameya went to the doctor for tonsilitis, he said, “Lose some weight.” Pallavi went to a gynaecologist for a check-up and was asked, “How can you live with this body?” 

Fatphobia in healthcare comes with unsolicited weight loss advice camouflaged as a concern. Health has been tightly shut in a box made of cultural bias, societal ideals, and rigid standards. And so, misinterpretation of body size as a marker of health reflects our social conditioning. 

“Whatever the problem might be, the solution is always ‘reduce your weight,” Ameya says. 

 

 

Pallavi recalls the one time she met with an understanding gynaecologist who “explained the issues without putting (her) down.” She burst into tears. The doctor was so kind, Pallavi was overwhelmed and couldn’t believe it. The gynaecologist held Pallavi as she cried. “That was the level of trauma that I had internalised. They put that fear in you that you are walking, ticking time bomb,” she says. 

 

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Invisible in public 

In their podcast, Ameya and Pallavi talk about weight-based discrimination in public spaces and transport. Aeroplane seats, toilets, chairs with arms have become moulds reinforcing the toxic cultural milieu. For those who cannot fit in, these places are yet another reminder that they are unwanted, unthought-for, and excluded. 

When Ameya first moved to Delhi, she bought a bed made of six legs. She worried a foldable bed wouldn’t take her weight. 

 

 

People view fat as something that’s chosen or because of a lack of self-control. The truth is there are many factors — hormonal, genetic, and environmental, nurture, emotion, and psychological well-being. “By excluding fat people, you are saying if they can’t fit in the space, they don’t deserve to be in it because you have chosen that,” explains Pallavi.

Inclusivity is a privilege rather than the norm. Ameya shares, “One of my friends set up their house three years ago. When I visited, I was surprised to see that I could easily use all the furniture without thinking twice. And it wasn’t even intentional. So, designs can be more inclusive. But people don’t do that. Why don’t they?”

 

Sex and the city

From Kal Ho Na Ho’s Sweety to Dum Laga Ke Haisha’s Sandhya, Bollywood for long has established that romance is not for the fat. Either you have to find someone who is seen as ‘weirdo’ (basically, accept what you get), or someone falls in love with your personality. 

For a fat woman, navigating the dating pool while brimming self-depreciation is saturating. By pop culture representation or an aunty’s advice, fat people are told that they should be grateful for any attention. “Oh my god, they’ve looked past my fat and seen my personality, which is why I also have to have a very nice, sweet girl because if I didn’t have that, what did I have?” Pallavi says.

 

 

On the other end, there is the big tits and butts’ fetishisation of fat people. This is dehumanising. “There are plenty of Indian men who find my body attractive, but they do it disgustingly. Like, ‘I love your curves.’ And Imagine if I opened every message on a dating app with ‘I like big cocks.’ It’s ridiculous.” Ameya says. 

They also break the stereotype that fat people can’t have active, glorious sex life through the podcast. “I used to think if lights are on and he saw my body, then he would lose his erection. Or if I get on top, then what if I squish him? But, I walk around without clothes after sex, and five minutes later, we are at it again. And by being on top, I have the best orgasms,” says Ameya. 

 

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Fat acceptance and liberation

The podcast has also helped these two firebrands witness their growth. Talking about the fat liberation movement, Ameya explains the difference between Body Positive and Fat Liberation. Body positivity tells you that the world is shit and people mistreat you, but you’ll be strong. Whereas fat liberation means that the world is shit, and these structures are set up to screw you over, so we need to tear them down. “The labour is not mine; it’s on society. And that I think that is a big difference,” she adds.  

Pallavi, whose body positivity journey began in 2014, shares, “Now when someone says, ‘you’re beautiful,’  I know it. The compliment doesn’t influence my opinion of them as a person. The thought that attention is a favour doesn’t even cross my mind.”

Ameya talks about how feeling worthy of love can change the way you treat your body. She muses that in the last few years, she’s stopped seeing sex as something that depends only on the other person’s interest, as an availability. “Now, I first ask myself if I want to. And I say no without feeling guilty. That’s self-acceptance, right there,” she says. 

 

 

Towards healing

They share that the new season is coming to a full circle. Having discussed fatphobia and insecurities, shame, rejection, the pair is now concerned with dealing with the world. “How do we move into a body neutral or community space? The second half of the new season is more about,” they said. 

Listeners from across the gender spectrum and world tell the duo how Fat, So? made them feel seen, heard and the uninhibited expression of rage felt cathartic. “There is an experiential resonance about it that works,” Ameya says. 

“I wish we had older friends like us when we were 16. Someone who could tell us, ‘Baby, don’t worry so much. Life is going to be normal. I think that’s the gap we are trying to fill with this podcast,” Pallavi adds.

 

Fat. So? podcast airs every alternate Sunday evenings on popular platforms including Spotify, Castbox and Apple Podcasts. 

 

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